Compliment Your Creators

Today I want to ask you for compliments.

Wait a minute before you back out of the blog window! I don’t mean compliments for myself. I wanted to talk for a moment about how important the gesture of a compliment can be to (of course anyone, but specifically) artists and creatives, who can so often feel like they are baring parts of their soul to the world with each artwork they share.

Many articles, essays, speeches, and yes, blog posts, have been written about the challenges of “imposter syndrome.” There’s a pretty well-known story Neil Gaiman has told about a time he was in a room full of famous people, and another famous Neil came up to him and admitted he felt like he didn’t belong there with everyone else. (Click to find out just what Neil felt this way.) It honestly astounds me every time I hear one of the creators whose work I consider to be a pinnacle of talent and magical expression talking about how they also struggle with imposter syndrome.

Anyway, the “remedy” to imposter syndrome is a very personal journey, and one that often involves pushing yourself forward and continuing on even when you feel like it’s pointless and your personal voice has no purpose. Compliments cannot “fix” imposter syndrome.

But they sure can help.

There have been days lately when I have literally had to force myself to keep creating, keep writing, keep dreaming. I’ve questioned my relevancy, my slow productivity, my originality or lack thereof, whether my voice was even needed or wanted. And although the actual battle of slogging through all of those emotions and continuing on despite them is entirely my own to fight, I can tell you that there have been shining lights as I’ve been struggling…kind people who have contacted me to let me know that they appreciate what I do. I am not over exaggerating to say that sometimes that’s what keeps me going.

Just some of the saved letters I’ve kept from my dear friend who encourages me.

Three years ago, a certain woman contacted the magazine email and politely asked if she could have my address to send me something. Since then, she and I have exchanged a series of letters to each other. In the letters to me, she explains how she represents a group of senior citizens who follow my social media accounts as well as read my work in the magazine, and cheer on my pursuits. She has told me hilarious, adorable, and uplifting stories about their reactions to my photos, and their concerns for my safety as I visit the woods. These letters have truly brought so much joy to my life, and my heart lifts when I see a new envelope in the mailbox. This woman clearly has the gift of giving meaningful, heart-felt compliments.  And make no mistake, it is a gift and also a skill. One that can be improved the more you practice.

A few tips for complimenting your favorite creators.

Be specific. My friend, artist Greene Spiro reminded me of this one. When I asked her what compliment had meant a lot to her lately, she couldn’t think of a quick example, but said "I always appreciate specific compliments, rather than general. I try to also be specific when I talk to other artists about their work.” Being specific shows that you are really paying attention to the heart and soul that the creator is putting into the work. And even if your interpretation of those details differs from what the creator intended, it shows an awareness that means a lot to them.

Emphasize their/their work’s impact on your life. One of the most moving compliments I’ve ever received was a long note from someone who follows my Instagram. She explained how my posts and captions and other social media shares reminded her of how she used to love reading stories of faeries and elves, which helped her through an extremely difficult time in her life. Her letter was much longer than this summary, and the details are private, but it’s over a year later and I still think of her message on a frequent basis.

Share how you feel about their importance to the genre in which they work. This is an area that many of us struggle with specifically when it comes to imposter syndrome. We compare ourselves to the “greats” in our genres, to the Terri Windlings and Brian Frouds, the George R.R. Martins, and we wonder what we’re even doing trying. If someone is able to tell us what we feel our work adds to the genre we love so much, it can buoy our spirits for ages!

Compliments from those you esteem. Finally, if you are a someone who has any influence at all in your own genre of creating, don’t underestimate how much your compliments mean to someone who is working on getting to where you currently are. My friend, artist Ali English, immediately had an answer when I asked her for a favorite compliment. It was when author Theodora Goss told her that she was an important part of the mythic arts. Ali says, “It seems to be compliments from those who are already creating genuine, magical work that means the most, as I feel like it authenticates what I try to do.”

Here are a few more specific examples of compliments that have meant a lot to some of the creators I know.

Creative Lindsay Dianne Karlsson shared this example of a meaningful compliment to her.

Artist Desiree Anderson shared this example that stuck out in her mind.

A message I received when I was struggling a year or so ago, and saved.

One last tip…If you are a creator, at any level, who struggles with self-esteem or imposter syndrome – screen cap your compliments you receive and save them somewhere. I have a private pin board on my Pinterest titled “Hello, Morale and Encouragement!” and I save some of the kind words that have meant so much to me there. It’s human nature to remember every word of an insult, and to forget a compliment, so don’t let yourself do that. Keep a record. Save them for a rainy day when you’re looking at what you’re making, and just don’t see the point.

There’s an old saying that goes “those who can, do; those who cannot, teach.” I would argue that an equally powerful motto would be “those who can, do; those who cannot, support.” (And really, neither motto is perfect, because everyone can create and has an important voice) It breaks my heart to think that there may be people out there who gathered the courage to create, shared their work, and gave up not because they weren’t talented or didn’t have a story to tell with what they made or wrote or shared, but because the people who saw and liked it never took the time to tell them so.

I’ll end with another quote from my dear friend, Greene, who says “I think the best compliments are the ones that remind me I am enough. They keep the self-doubt at bay.”