The Year Behind, The Year Ahead

Recently I saw a meme on Facebook that reminded us all as we look back on 2020 that simply surviving a year like this, simply existing, is more than enough. That got me thinking, and looking at a way to approach my attitude toward my “accomplishments” this year instead of focusing on the negative.

In 2020 I…

…Wasn’t able to go on a dream trip to England that I had completely planned out to the smallest detail. But I am incredibly proud of myself for being brave enough to finally take the steps to plan this trip I had dreamed about for over two decades. And it will happen. Now that I’ve planned it, I know it can. And now that I’ve gone through the hellscape of 2020, the idea of solo travel doesn’t scare me as much (once it’s safe to do so, of course)

…Completely redid my website, thanks to Lumina Noctis, and put all of my eggs in one basket, creating a central location for all of my creative endeavors. I started a new blog on my website, and blogged there consistently from June through the end of the year.

…Started a Patreon. This was a big step for me, because it took me a long time to feel like I was “worthy” of one. After all, I am a Jack of Many Trades: writing, blogging, doing art, crafting, party planning, decorating, managing two Facebook groups devoted to magical living, taking trips to the forest to document the magic there and myself in it… It’s an eclectic group of activities and hobbies, with magic at its center. But eventually I decided to go for it, and I’m so thankful for my Patrons there.

…Wrote short stories again. I love creative writing, but it also scares me to actually do it. This year I had a short story published in the fall issue of the magazine about a forest witch and her moss fox familiar. I wrote a short story about a very special place called Betwixt Farms that I am still working on submitting for publication. I wrote three micro short stories for my website: The Forest Dragon, Stick and Log, and The Photograph as well as a longer short story, The True Story of Mrs. Claus.

…Created more videos on YouTube. Video is a medium I’m still learning, but I’m having a great time doing so.

…Turned 40, and had a wonderful birthday even though my original plans of having a feytastic slumber party weekend at a cabin in the woods with magical friends didn’t work out. Maybe I can turn 40 for a second time next year, or a third time the year after…whenever it’s safe to actually have that party.

….Went to the woods, many many times. And discovered over and over again each time just how the magic of the green renews and heals me, and reminds me of the importance of wonder, mindfulness, and looking closer.

…Battled my mental health to an extent that I’ve never experienced before. In May I went through a Dark Night of the Soul for the entire month, as I battled with anti-depression drugs my doctor and I tried (they weren’t the right ones for me, and the side-effects were quite a terrible ride). I’ve struggled on and off since then with insomnia and sleep issues that never seem to quite go away. But as the meme on Facebook says, I’m still here, and this year that is no small feat.

And as I tell myself each night in a “before-bed” ritual I do,

Nothing is okay, but I’m fighting

Nothing is okay, but I’m trying

Nothing is okay, but I will survive this.

For the year ahead, I’ve written down a few things that aren’t really worth sharing here. But instead of titling them “goals” or “resolutions,” I’ve titled that list “ideas,” because we can have all sorts of ideas for what we want for our future, but sometimes the universe has other plans. I’m holding on to any list I make now with a very loose hand, so that I can more easily change course no matter what 2021 may bring.

Happy New Year, everyone. <3